In 2017, I had an IUD put in. I'm not going to lie, the insertion was AWFUL. I was gripping the table so hard that I'm shocked my nails didn't go right through it. It hurt for DAYS or maybe even weeks after. I was cursing my doctors and their recommendation of the IUD, but I figured, they are the doctors and they know best.
We went with the IUD because I have terrible periods. I have the kind of periods where you don't even want to get out of bed because everything hurts. I don't tolerate the pill well, which is why we switched.
Fast forward to fall of 2018. My periods essentially disappeared, but I started getting the worst and most intense cramps of my life. They hurt so badly that I could feel them in my butt. I called the doctor to see if that was normal. They told me to take some ibuprofen and ride it out for a couple of months.
I ended up in the doctor's office in Feb 2019 for an unrelated reason. While there, they were all "lets check on your IUD since you were complaining." The PA couldn't find the strings. She asked if there was any chance it came out. I was thinking in my head, there is no way it could have come out without noticing. I assume it hurts just as much to come out as it did when it went in. I told her no. She sent me for an ultrasound.
Thanks to the healthcare system in this country, it took me a bit to find a place that does ultrasounds and takes my insurance. They couldn't see me for two more weeks. I waited the two weeks and went and had the ultrasound. The tech confirmed what I knew, that the IUD was still there, even though I'm fairly certain they aren't supposed to tell you anything.
I received a call the following week from the PA telling me it was fine to do business as usual because everything looked okay. She just needed to confirm something with the doctor.
Another week or so went by, it is now early March, and she finally called me back. I answered and her answer was "oh shoot, I have to call you back. The doctor just texted me and told me not to call you yet."
WHAT? If that's not an anxiety trigger, I don't know what is.
After waiting for what seemed like ten years for her to call me back (it was probably about an hour), she tells me that the ultrasound was actually inconclusive other than confirming it was still in place. They were concerned that the IUD was embedded in the wall of my uterus or it possibly poked a hole and was stuck. Could I come in the next day?
Again. WHAT?
It was already after 4:30 pm, I couldn't just not show up to work the next day. I asked if I had to come in tomorrow because that was going to be hard. She goes well, tomorrow or we can see you in three weeks. WAIT. Do I need to come in TOMORROW or is THREE WEEKS okay!? That seems to be a big difference when you just gave me very concerning news.
I made the appointment for three weeks after reassurance that three weeks was fine. I am shocked I didn't have a complete meltdown in those weeks. My anxiety was all over the place. I was a mess. I attempted to google potential IUD perforations, but of course that is the worst thing you can do. I freaked myself out.
I go in to see the doctor. He says a whole bunch of really scary things that I didn't quite process. He kept throwing around the words surgery and unsure. After ten minutes of his explanation of all possible (terrifying) outcomes, he asks me what I want to do. Ummmmmmmm IDK. My brain feels like Jello. You are the doctor. Let's just go with your recommendation of taking it out.
He goes in and tugs. Boop. That sucker came right out. He goes, "That was one of the easiest removals! No cause for concern. It wasn't stuck on anything."
WHAT THE FUCK. THREE PLUS WEEKS OF TORTURE FOR THAT!?
I had contacted my urologist to see what birth control pill was tolerated by most people with Interstitial Cystitis so that I could be prepared if the recommendation was to go back on the pill. Armed with that information, I asked the OBGYN for that pill when he told me wanted me to wait three months before considering putting an IUD back in. I was a little concerned because I went off the pill because my system doesn't like it, but I was following the doctor's lead.
Welp, my insurance didn't covered that exact pill. Instead of doing the paperwork to see if the insurance would approve it, the PA approved a different pill (kept that info filed).
I started the pill. Almost immediately, I wasn't myself. I was crying all of the time for no reason, my anxiety was so high that I was barely functioning, and I was sleeping all of the time. After about two weeks, I sent a long, detailed message to my doctor about what was happening. Someone who was not my doctor replied and said to come back in and they would put the IUD back in. I made another appointment and tried to wait it out.
After about three weeks on the pill, I got a no warning, gushing period at work. AT WORK. WITH CHILDREN. It was the kind that when you coughed or laughed, you knew it was just flying out. I was with 15 4-year olds and essentially trapped. I was thankfully wearing black pants.
I finally was able to flag someone down to cover the class while I ran to the bathroom. It was like the red wedding in my pants. It was everywhere. All over my clothes and me. I woman-ed up. I wiped everything as best as I could, wrapped my underwear in layers of paper towels (I didn't have any pads with me), put my chin up and walked back into the room and finished the day.
I called my mom immediately after work, hysterical. Then I called the doctor. They found an opening for me for the next day. I took it. When I got home, I went straight upstairs. My dad, who can't hear, walked by the bathroom and mistakenly pushed open the ajar door. He saw me standing over a toilet full of blood, my underwear in the sink, and blood just everywhere (I had pants on still). I was standing there crying hysterically and not really forming words he could make out. He freaked out, called my mom, screamed at her to get home like she wasn't the first call I made. I took a shower and tried to calm down.
I go to the doctor the first thing the next morning. He walks in and asks what has been going on. I tell him. He tells me he wasn't going to do anything for me that day. I flipped out. I told him his office told me that he would put the IUD back in. He didn't know what I was talking about. He never got my message. The person who replied "replied without knowing my full medical chart." My mistake... but I assumed that whoever answered ran it by you, but sorrrrrrry.
I, of course, was not cool. My hormones were all over the place. I started bawling, practically screaming that I couldn't live my life for three more months feeling like this. He essentially told me to either stay on the pill and be miserable or go off the pill and control myself and use condoms. I flipped out even more and screamed, I CAN'T NOT BE ON SOMETHING. YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY PERIODS ARE. THEY ARE DEBILITATING.
He pretty much was like oh well and told me to seek a therapist for my emotional issues. EXCUSE ME. I didn't have these issues until three weeks ago. I feel confident in saying they are a result of the pill. After much crying and pleading, he tells me he will put me on something called the mini pill and we will see how that goes. He tells me to get dressed and meet him in his office and we will discuss it more.
I get dressed and try to pull it together. When I go in his office, I tell him I wasn't happy that the pill I asked for was subbed out for another. He was surprised by this information and a little annoyed because they aren't the same pill. Again, people making decisions about my healthcare without knowing my file (eye roll).
He now drops an information bomb... he thinks I have endometriosis. Excuse me? You have been my doctor for about 8 years. I've always described my periods the same and only now you are thinking this? Mr. Tops in the Field? He wanted me to see someone in his practice who specializes in endometriosis. He was again using scary words and telling me how he will probably want to do a laparoscopy and drill holes in my abdomen. Here again, I lost it. I started sobbing that I can't wait three more months to see another doctor. I couldn't feel like this for three more months. He told me it wouldn't be three months. I was like IT TAKES THREE MONTHS TO GET AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOU, WHY WOULD THIS BE DIFFERENT!? AND I'M A NEW PATIENT FOR HIM. He reassured me it wouldn't.
I walked out to reception, asked to see the other doctor, and they told me it would take THREE MONTHS to see him. OH SHOCKING. I started yelling that someone better get my doctor on the phone. He's in his office and tell him I can't wait three months. After a lot of agitation and tears, they found a way to fit me in the next day.
I, not very hopefully, go to see the new doctor. with my mom He was AMAZING. I was still screaming and crying about everything that was happening. I was upset that my other doctor wasn't HEARING me.. he just wanted me to get a therapist.
After two hours of sitting with me and examining me (apologies to any other patients who were scheduled), he calmly explained that he did think I have endometriosis.
He was not going to do the laparoscopy because based on my descriptions and what he felt in my pelvis, it is not a severe enough case where he would want to remove tissue. He was not going to put me through surgery just to confirm what he already knew.
He told me ultrasounds are generally inconclusive about anything other than confirming the IUD is there (why didn't the other doctor know this or consult him?). I explained about the cramps and how I tracked them and they seemed pretty consistent every four weeks. I asked if it was just the cramps I would get with a period and just no period (same thing I had asked the first doctor to confirm). He told me yes, that was normal.
He laid out my options of how I could proceed. I chose to put the IUD back in. He went over the different ones he would recommend. We chose the same one I had before because I didn't want to change and risk a bad experience/toleration. He put it back in. Guess what... it just felt like a pinch. None of the pain from the first time. This doctor is honestly a dream.
He counseled me that he would like me to stay on the mini pill to try to help with the cramps, but it was up to me. After a few days, I took myself off the mini pill because I felt like if my options were to deal with cramps monthly or everyday feeling terrible, I will take the cramps.
It was so validating and relieving to felt heard and seen. It was an awful experience to end up legitimately right back where I started.
I kind of filed this whole ordeal away and haven't really thought much about that time period (it is pretty blurry) or the aftermath. I've been examining my relationship with a fine toothed comb, that's what triggered this memory.
I was legit out of my mind when my hormones were very clearly out of wack. For example, the one night I demanded to go out and "do something fun" ... but then I just started crying for no reason and couldn't stop.
After things seemed to level back out and the doctor put the IUD back in, it was kind of never acknowledged it again. I think my hormones are just finally leveling back out and I'm feeling more like myself.
Invisible illnesses are hard to live with. I certainly know that as my diagnoses list continues to grow. People think you are fine because you look fine. Spoiler: not the case.
I should have realized sooner because looking back, I was in a constant state of anxiety and living on Xanax for months. I kind of just attributed it to the stress of my relationship, the lack of a job, moving in together, but I think a good portion of it was coming from the imbalance in my body.
Being in that constant, emotionally heightened mindset is exhausting. I was angry, short fused, and irritated. I was probably difficult to be around. I wish that I had thought about my hormones sooner, but it was even out of sight, out of mind for me. I wasn't crying all of the time, so things must be back to normal. I think that was a false assumption.
Maybe if I had realized sooner, I wouldn't have spun so far out of control. By not thinking about what was happening in my body, I hurt myself the most.
Yes, Grandma. Modern medicine is a struggle.
